


Home is where the heart is

by Kuripuri



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Friendship/Love, Gen, Panic Attacks, Romantic Friendship, Slow Build, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 11:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuripuri/pseuds/Kuripuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sole Survivor gets tired of the constant anxiety and attempts to get plastered in Goodneighbor but gets thrown out. Hancock offers to help them through it by other means,</p><p>no smut, just venting the frustration that bethesda thought someone would live through the great war, the death of their whole family and waltz through the wasteland like prom night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She'd gone to the Third Rail to get drunk, as wasted as she could get, hoping it would help drain some of her anxiety. Before the war she'd been able to handle the attacks that came and went as the weather. For some time she'd even seen a therapist, talking about anything that was painful and everything that wasn't, but there were barely any decent doctors in the wasteland much less doctors of psychology. Everyone had adapted, she supposed. Everyone felt it, it was just how things were.  
  
But for her, maybe because she didn't have the commonwealth childhood, everything was a trigger. Everything was a bullet in her brain or a stab in her heart. Everything gave her the all too familiar cold sweat, shaky shallow breaths and ants crawling under her skin threatening to burst out and devour her. She felt like running, sitting by the bar in one of the few communities that still held on to humanity where she _was safe_. She downed another whiskey and extended her glass to the robot who poured her another. She felt like running far and wide to a place that felt like home. Where things weren't broken or in ruins, where people didn't sleep in the decay of a lost world that now only existed in defiled remnants of the city and in her memories. She was a woman out of time and it made her ache for home, for a past that was so long gone that no one could even imagine it. _She_ could barely imagine it anymore and it started a cold fire at her core.  
  
Another shot of whiskey seeped down her throat and into her system. Another extended arm and another whirr as the robot filled up her glass. The glass was broken, cracked at the rim. She resisted the urge to throw it at the wall, to scream in anger. Everything was so fucking broken. The buildings, the furniture, the clothes, the fucking _roads_ , _the fucking people_. There wasn't a single untainted thing left in the whole world, everything was filthy and disgusting and it was trying to eat its way into her too. She felt it with every breath, every disgusting action performed to survive, in the water she drank.  
  
She placed her face in her hands, arms steady on the counter, and tried to block out the world. Little by little she remembered the face of her mother. Soft and caring, smiling as they had their typical sunday dinner. The voice of her father, deep and bellowing, telling stories that she used to find boring and unbelivable but stories she would now kill to hear. She began to remember going to college, the friends in her class and the frustration of exams. The relief and joy as she recieved her diploma. She remembered her wedding, kissing Nate infront of their gathered family, the first dance with her father. She remembered their honeymoon, soft kisses and soft touches as they truly became one and she remembered the moonlight seeping through the blinds when her contractions began and they rushed to the hospital to deliver Shaun. _Shaun_.  
  
Tears were dripping down her cheeks onto the counter and she made no effort to hide it. Why did she have to live if they all had to die? What sense did it make to wake up after 200 years if her family was gone, her friends and neighbors and... They were just bones by now. And bones she had seen plenty, each skeleton sucking the air out of her lungs. Had she known them? She had visited familiar places and seen the bones resting in full display. Was the skeleton behind the counter the same person she'd purchased groceries from? Was the skeleton in the diner the chef that made burgers for her and Nate when they had their first date there? Had her parents become dusty bones as well? She fought the urge to vomit.  
  
To survive in the vault, to live out the rest of her life underground with Nate and Shaun would've been... agreeable. Her friends and family would die all the same but she wouldn't have to be alone, so fucking _alone_ , and she wouldn't have to see the world in shambles. Fucking vault-tec. Using them as guineapigs, forcing her to suffer. For a split-second she saw Nates face in the cryochamber, holding their child in his arms. She slammed her fist on the counter and the patron next to her jumped. Magnolia stopped her singing for a second before returning to the music and the robot took the glass away from her.  
  
"I'm not done with that." she said.  
  
"You're done here." he replied sternly, warning her to not start a fight.  
  
She sighed out of frustration. She wasn't nearly drunk enough to survive the night and now she was cut-off.  
  
"What if I say please?" she spoke through her teeth. Although she was aware that her hostile stance would get her nowhere the alcohol had numbed her ability to give a fuck. _Throw me out, I fucking dare you,_ she thought.  
  
"What seems to be the problem?" she heard behind her.  
  
Of-fucking-course. Of course the 'good mayor' were there to step in and set things right. Of course the man with the broken face and burnt skin that reminded her of the death of the world was there to save the day. Of course the man with the black eyes that told her that he felt the same pain she did was there to bail her out or do her in.  
  
"No problem here, Hancock. The lady was just leavin'." the robot told him. _Well shit_ , she thought. She slid off the stool and turned to face the ghoul.  
  
"No problem at all," she said and with a light bow she added " _sir_."  
  
"Such manners." he teased. "Why don't I take you home, safe and sound?"  
  
She wanted to laugh. _Take me home? Better get walking then_. "I'm fine." she said instead.  
  
Her steps felt unsteady and the room began to spin as the alcohol flowed through her legs. She almost fell over but managed to hold herself up, or so she thought when she noticed the scarred fingers gripping her shoulders.  
  
"I said I'm fine. I can take care of myself."  
  
"Indulge me." he prompted. "Where are you sleeping?"  
  
"On the streets like everyone else." There was a plea in her voice and she hated how weak she suddenly sounded. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Nowhere was safe and she wanted to scream again. Tears formed at her eyes again and a drop escaped before she angrily wiped them dry. She felt his eyes burn a hole through her skin and she begun to walk away.  
  
"For a woman in your condition, that's not a wise thing to do." he told her. "And I know a smart woman when I see one."  
  
"You don't know shit." she hissed under her breath.  
  
He laughed and she wanted to claw his eyes out. Those black eyes that seemed to see right through her, see through any wall she tried to erect between herself and the wasteland.  
  
"Come with me." he said and wrapped his arm around her shoulder to lead her out. A part of her wanted to protest, to tell him to fuck off and take his goddamn wasteland hands off of her but a stronger part wanted to be lead away. She wanted to give up all control and just let go and if it happened in the arms of a stranger with half a face, so be it.  
  
He lead her outside and the cold air hit her like a brick. He asked her a question but she didn't listen, his voice becoming static in the air. The stars above her were gleaming and bright and she thought that even the sky was different, more beautiful than before, but different and unfamiliar all the same. _Nate would've loved this._ A rush of tiredness hit her like a tidal wave and she slumped to her knees taking Hancock with her. She was in the state of being too drunk to keep her defences up and not drunk enough to not need any and as the ghoul knelt beside her she wrapped herself around him, her fingers grasping at his cloth to keep her grounded, to keep her from floating away. He let out a surprised "Oh!" when she began to sob into his chest, smearing his shirt with tears and snot. They were still for a moment and she let the worst of it out before he picked her up and carried her inside somewhere. She didn't want to think anymore, her thoughts only dancing between Nate on their wedding night and Nate when he was shot or thoughts of what life they could've had if vault-tec hadn't tricked them. If the war hadn't happened. The life she could've had, should've had, but wasn't allowed to have.  
  
He placed her somewhere soft and warm and wrapped her up in a blanket before he left her and although she didn't want him there she also didn't want to be left with her thoughts. But her pride silenced her courage and she was quiet when he left her, leaving her to fall asleep with demons singing lullabies. 


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing she noticed was her sticky lips and dry mouth as she rolled around on the mattress. Disoriented she stumbled to a crawl before she stood up, supporting herself on the angled ceiling. There were other mattresses around her, a few empty but some occupied by drifters and she wondered where she was.   
  
She stumbled down the stairs and was greeted by a spiral staircase and two neighborhood watchers. One of them told her that Hancock wanted to speak with her and while she knew she owed him thanks she also didn't feel like showing courtesy. The anxiety had relinquished its suffocating hold but was still present, still bubbling under her skin just waiting for a reason to explode. Worried that the sight of his black eyes would push her back over the ledge, spiraling her down another path of screaming on the inside, she decided to instead sneak out of Goodneighbor.   
  
She looked at the room to the right and recognized it as the 'mayoral office' and decided that while she couldn't face him in person she could still leave a token of thanks. She dug her hand down her backpack, looking for the caps at the bottom and placed a hundered of them on the table. There was an empty tin of mentats and a few jet inhalers scattered around the couches. Chems weren't the same as the ones in the pre-war world, she knew that, and she decided to withhold judgement. Hell, alcohol was just as bad and she'd indulged herself on that. A cough near the door startled her and she spun around, the room spinning a bit longer thanks to the residual alcohol in her system. The armored and very intimidating bodyguard stood by the door with a cigarette in her hand, leaning on one leg and eyeing up the intruder.   
  
"He'll be back in an hour." she told her, blowing out smoke with each word.  
  
At first glance she'd been terrified of the bodyguard but it was quickly replaced with admiration. It was not easy to be strong and the bodyguard was nothing but. She could easily understand Hancocks decision to keep her close.    
  
"I've got to go. Uh... Send him my regards."  
  
The bodyguard narrowed her eyes and moved away from the door to sit on the couch. She felt as if it was a gesture of kidness, a sign that she was not kept prisoner. Another huff on the cigarette and another cloud of smoke.   
  
"He wanted to speak with you, didn't tell me about what."  
  
She hesitated. There was no plausible reason for the mayor to have any interest in her. Other than the blue vaultsuit she was still clad in, she could be just another drifter floating through the town. For all anyone knew there was nothing different about her.   
  
"I've got somewhere to be. Sorry."  
  
The bodyguard laughed.  
  
"No you don't."  
  
She reached to take another huff of the cigarette but stopped inches from her open mouth. Her grey eyes studied her in the dim glow of the windows and for a moment she felt like she should just run, fast and long and without stopping. But the bodyguard looked down, made a decision and said:  
  
"But I'll tell him you couldn't make it."  
  
A weight she didn't know was there was lifted off her shoulders and she gave the armored woman a nod of appriciation who shrugged in return, dismissing her with a wave of her hand. She turned around and jogged down the spiral staircase, hoping that Hancock wouldn't be back sooner than planned. There was something about him that made her feel... different. Surprisingly she wasn't too put off by the ghouls exterior. Sure, the lack of nose, discolored eyes and skin that looked like it'd been melting wasn't an easy thing to just accept but some people had been through hell just to survive and that alone was admirable. She was barely surviving herself and everyday felt like getting ripped apart and put back together again, ghouls had done it for 200 years without a break or pat on the back. It didn't matter what they looked like.   
  
Hell, she was even drawn to some of them simply because they were remnants, the last to remember the world before it burned. They had something in common and while they initially dismissed her because of her untainted skin, once they understood her situation they'd offer her warm embraces. Nothing that could ever make her feel good, however, but just a little less bad.   
  
She almost ran out of the gates to Goodneighbor, trying to escape the guilt and shame of last night and yet as she was greeted by the rubble outside she had the smother the instinct to run back inside. _Too fucking broken_ , she thought. _Everything's too fucking broken_. The path diverged and she decided to go left on a whim, towards Diamond City she assumed. Getting drunk in Goodneighbor was off the table but Diamond City still had a bar and while the Diamond City residents held their nose higher than those in Goodneighbor, none of them were above getting shitfaced.   
  
She began on her journey, crushing the rubble under her feet, trying hard not to think about how it used to look. How things should look. _Stop it._ There was no point in dwelling on the past, of course, but it was still the only thing she could think of. It was the only thing she ever wanted to think of, what future did she even have in the commonwealth? She was a woman out of time and out of place, she didn't belong here and every waking moment felt wrong. She'd left the vault to escape the tomb of her husband and in search of her son and despite seeing the world in ruins she had had hope in her heart and fire in her bones. A hope that'd been crushed and a fire that had burnt her alive when she found him. _Father_. The wasteland devoured everything in its path and spat out skeletons and ghosts.   
  
The afternoon sun still stood high in the sky and made her feel faint. _Should've gotten provisions before I left,_ she thought but she carried on. Dust danced in the sunlight around her and she felt like it was suffocating her, mixing itself with moisture in her lungs creating cement. For how long could she do this? For how long could she survive the constant panic, the grief that just wouldn't let her go? She wanted to move on, to move past her past, and yet it held her down like an anchor.   
  
The air gushed out of her at a seconds notice and she slumped together on the ground. Another panic attack, _fuck_ , wasn't she allowed a break from this? She felt so trapped and she wanted to run, escape something that wasn't there, but she could only drag herself to the side of the road and hope that raiders or gunners or supermutants or, _god_ , whatever the hell else the wasteland had created passed her by. She relaxed in the shade of a building, suddenly feeling cold compared to the heat from standing in the sun. What could she possibly do? Who could she talk to? Nate had been supportive of her. He used to rub her back and kiss her hair and make up cute little stories to distract her but he wasn't there. He was dead, rotting slowly in a freezer back in the vault that destroyed her life. She had meant to return to bury him, to give him a proper goodbye, but the mere thought of going back under made her skin crawl. Instead she decided to let the vault be his tomb.   
  
The sound of rubble being stepped on disrupted her thoughts and before she had ducked for cover a voice called out to her.  
  
"Hey there, was looking for ya."  
  
Hancock? Fucking Hancock. How the hell did he find her? She sighed and rose up, patting the dust off of her pants. Despite feeling interrupted she was grateful for his arrival. The anxiety was temporarily blown away which gave her a much needed break.  
  
"Here I am." she told him, crossing her arms.  
  
He grinned and she fought the urge to smile back.   
  
"I informed the watchers that I wanted to speak with you, told me they told you and yet you were gone. Not afraid of me, are ya?"  
  
There were nervous butterflies in her stomach as she tried to come up with a witty remark. She hadn't planned on being confronted but she'd be damned if he made her shake that way.  
  
"A puppy like you? You're all bark and no bite, you don't fool me." As soon as the words slipped out of her mouth she instantly regretted it, knowing damn well what his follow-up would be.  
  
"I'll bite if you want me to."   
  
She sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. Damnit. She was drawn to his eyes, those dark pools that comforted her in ways she didn't want them to and she'd instinctly thought of a puppy.   
  
"What? Guys gotta try." He shrugged and walked closer.  
  
"What do you want, Hancock? I left some caps, should cover it."  
  
He studied her in the shade, his black eyes wandering across her features. It seemed as if he was thinking about what to say, as if he'd followed her on a whim and she felt... flattered? No. Cared for? Maybe, as ridiculous as it sounded. Those black goddamn eyes were putting spells on her. She looked away towards the road.   
  
"You weren't in the best state of mind last night. Left before we could talk, just wanted to make sure you're okay."  
  
Her eyes darted back to his, those inviting pools of black. The way he looked at her, the way he silently urged her to be honest, it made her remember Nate. How could he remind her of Nate?  
  
"You... chased me out here just to make sure I was okay?"  
  
"What can I say? I care too much." He flashed another smile and shrugged while she frowned. What was his game? What did he really want? A moment of silence passed before she said:  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"You said that yesterday too."  
  
"I meant it."  
  
"You cried in my arms. And then passed out."  
  
A blush spread across her face. He wasn't wrong, no, but she would never admit it.  
  
"I fell asleep." she muttered under her breath and he laughed.   
  
"Happens to the best of us."   
  
She hugged her arms around herself tighter, feeling unease under his gaze and yet she enjoyed it. He was giving her the attention that she'd been craving, he was inviting her to open up but the fear of falling apart without her walls to support her kept her silent. It would be so easy to open up and let those old festering wounds heal and yet it was too hard.   
  
She opened her mouth to speak but he was quicker.  
  
"What d'ya say we find shelter for the night. It's dangerous to stay outside in the dark."  
  
Dumbfounded she stared at him. It was still painfully bright outside and the pip-boy revealed that time time was 3:30 PM.  
  
"It's midafternoon." she told him slowly. What was he doing, _what the hell did he want?_  
  
"Early night?" he suggested and the way his black puppydog eyes looked at her she found it hard to reject. He was a charmer, alright. She tried comforting herself by thinking that she didn't want to be alone and that he'd be a nice break from the privacy of her thoughts but she understood that it wouldn't do with just anyone. She felt safe somehow, with him. She felt safe when she was with Nate. _Stop thinking about him,_ she scolded herself. _They are nothing alike._  
He stepped towards the door of the building, dissapeared inside for a moment before leaning out from the frame, smiling. "I've got water."   
  
As if by magic she swallowed hard through her parched throat, reminding her of her lack of provisions. She pretended to weigh the pros and cons even though they both knew she'd step inside with him. They settled inside the lobby on a couch that had the dust creating a storm in the air as he plumped down, extending his legs across the floor and stretching his arms across the length of the couch. He beckoned for her to sit next to him, patting the cushion softly, which he managed to do both suggestivly and innocently somehow. But as she chose to sit on the adjacent couch he chuckled and adjusted his tricorn.

She'd noticed his outfit before but thought it too impolite to ask him but as they sat in silence in the dim lobby of a forgotten building, sipping on the purified water, she turned and asked him:

"What's with the hat?"

He flashed her a big grin, showing his teeth as if he'd been waiting for her to ask and she partially wondered if she should excuse herself and leave. Knowing what awaited her when she became alone again, outside and vulnerable, she decided to take her chances inside with him.  
  
"What's with the suit?"

 _Oh_ , she thought. _Well shit_. 


	3. Chapter 3

The silence was deafening as they both stared at eachother, as if they were trying to out-silence eachother. His eyes were so gentle, resting on her face, and she could feel her heart twitch. _Stop it_. He smiled a lipless smile and yet it was so friendly. It made her chest tingle in ways she hadn't felt in a long time. _Stop this right now_. His skin was scarred, melted from radiation and she wondered what it felt like under her fingers. Did it hurt as her scars did from time to time? Nate had a lot of scars. _Don't do this_. Some of them came from his military experience but there were a few that she had seen happen. He'd cut his finger when he made dinner the night she announced her pregnancy with Shaun. He burnt his leg at the family barbeque, her father had rushed to get him some ice and... _ENOUGH._

  
She took a sharp breath and looked away to steady herself, feeling her bones shake already.  
  
"Just a suit, means nothing important." A lie, a bold lie, but she hoped it would pass through. It didn't.  
  
"Ah, ahah." He gestured to his hat. "Just a hat, holds no significance."  
  
He seemed to notice that his attempt to lighten the mood had failed, his eyes going from heartwarming to heartbreaking.  
  
"Hey, listen... If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to. Just the way you bottle things up inside, it ain't healthy."  
  
She stared at her hands in her lap, folded neatly for composure. In a way she agreed with him. This wasn't healthy and it was killing her but to expose such a part of her? She'd only told those who absolutely had to know, those few she trusted with the truth, but to tell him? With his soft eyes and handsome smile and... He reminded her too much about Nate and it was odd. They looked nothing alike, spoke nothing alike and yet Hancock was so familiar to her that she was almost surprised he didn't already know everything.  
  
"I wasn't always a ghoul, y'know." he began. Startled she looked at him. His black eyes were fixed on his boots.  
  
"You don't have to-..."  
  
"Nah, I want to." He shot her a smile and she fell silent.  
  
"Some years back I used to live in Diamond City with my brother. Left when he became mayor and decided to abandon half his people. He, uh... He shoved all the ghouls out the door and left them to die. Couldn't stay after that."  
  
Silence filled the room for a moment and she wondered briefly if he'd appriciate her settling down next to him on the couch as a way to offer support but decided that she hadn't earned it. Huh, she thought. Here she was thinking he hadn't earned her trust while in truth she hadn't earned his. And yet he gave it to her so willingly. Nate was always so quick to trust peop- _shut up, shut the fuck up._  
  
"I tried to lead some of the folks to Goodneighbor, keep 'em safe but I just... I just couldn't live with it. Heard of a new chem on the street and decided to give it a go, hoping it would either make me feel better or kill me." His eyes were fixated on his boots, she thought she detected shame in his voice and she felt a stab of sorrow. She'd judged him wrong.  
  
"Greatest high of my life and it turned me into... this" he said smiling, gesturing to his face. His eyes met hers and she nodded, encouraging him to continue.  
  
"Thing was, Goodneighbor back then, was run by this asshole. Tortured and killed people however he saw fit with his goons and one night... one night they got a hold of a friend of mine, kicked him to death and I just... ran away to get high. To forget. Got so high I ended up someplace I ain't been before. Might've still been high but I looked up and saw this getup and it spoke to me. Told me what I had to do."  
  
He paused and took a sip of water.  
  
"Went back to Goodneighbor a new man and told people it wasn't right, that they deserved better. Got some folks armed and trained and when the time was right we went in there and wiped them out. Bastards never saw us coming. Hung Vic from the railing on the state house, told people they were free. That Goodneighbor was 'of the people, for the people'. And here we are."  
  
He flashed her a wide grin and took another sip of water.  
  
"Oh." she spoke softly. The silence was heavy as she searched for the right words to say. "So no real significance tied to the hat then?"  
  
He laughed and there was a spark in his eye. Somehow it made her proud and she considered what he'd told her. He wasn't as old as her which left a bitter taste in her mouth, but he was a good man, a man who got his hands dirty to help others and it made her feel... Not pride, no, she didn't know him enough for that to be prominent but something else. Comfort? He certainly made her safe but this wasn't what she felt. Was it hope? She stared at him, uncomfortably so with her mouth ajar.  
  
She wanted to tell him everything, it'd been decided long ago in her subconscious, he would understand. But all the words wanted to explode at the same time and there were so much to say, so many things she'd seen and experienced and things that only happened inside her mind that she wanted to let go of and he was sitting there, perfectly calm and ready for her to fall apart. No words could escape her mouth, her prison was secured too tightly to let prisoners out and the only clue of her inner turmoil was the tears that welled up in her eyes.  
  
"Hey now..." he leaned forward _just like Nate_ and was prepared to walk over and hold her, _to rub her back and kiss her hair and make up cute little stories_ and fuck off, he's not Nate, Nate is dead, gone, buried in the vault. This is Hancock, not _Nate why are you doing this?!_ She grasped her face to keep herself together because she was breaking at the seams, she could feel it. Her skin was falling off and her bones were dust and she had to run away before she dissapeared, she was going to fall through the cracks of the floor and join the rubble beneath them. A jerk in her legs made her stand up and she wanted to run _JUST RUN, GO, HURRY,_ but she couldn't stop shaking. Hancock reached for her but she misstook his hands for bones and the dead were coming for her, coming to take her back to where she belonged. She was supposed to be dead, this wasn't her time, she wasn't supposed to be here.  
  
"I'm not supposed to be here." she repeated and the questions in his eyes, those beautiful black fucking eyes told her that he wouldn't understand, she was wrong, no one would ever understand. She slapped away his extended hand and she wanted to scream until her throat was torn and her brain was numb _just please stop_. And run until she was at home where the grass was green and the flowers had colors _please,_ where her mother sat in a garden with iced tea _don't take me there_ and her father was mowing the lawn _oh god please stop this_ and Nate and Shaun were playing with a ball _I can't take any more_...  
  
Her mind went blank and the last thing she saw was Hancock rushing to catch her before her head slammed into the ground.  
  
\--  
  
It was so strange to be back in Sanctuary Hills but so pleasant. The birds were chirpin outside and the unmistakeable sound of a car flew in through the open window. The air was warm and gentle, even for such a late autumn day and it released tension she didn't know she had.  
  
"Good morning mum! Your coffee is ready."  
  
Coffee. She sighed as she inhaled the scent of the roasted beans before gently placing her hands around the cup. So warm that it went through her palms and up her arms and as it begun to creep over her shoulders like a warm blanket she took a sip. Oh lord how she missed the taste of coffee.  
  
She almost slammed the cup down on the counter when the sound of a weeping child disturbed her from deeper inside the house. Shaun? That's impossib- wait. Of course it's Shaun. Who else would it be?  
  
"Are you alright, mum?"  
  
The robot whirred closer to her and she smiled.  
  
"I'm just fine, Codsworth. Thank you. Would you mind?"  
  
"Not at all, mum! I'll see to the young master at once."  
  
It'd been such a good idea to get the robot, they'd been so worried at first but it seemed to have worked out just fine. She returned to her coffee and flipped through a grognak comic.  
  
_I remember this one, didn't get to finish it before_... before what? This was the newest edition, freshly arrived in the morning mail and she hadn't looked at it before now but why did it seem so familiar?  
  
"Good morning, honey."  
  
For a second the air felt like ice. She almost didn't turn around to face him, afraid of what she'd see. _Afraid of what? Don't be stupid._ A hand weighed heavy on her shoulder and she spun around to face him. Nate. Oh handsome, beautiful Nate.  
  
He placed a kiss on her cheek and grabbed the comic from the counter and there was joy in his eyes as he eyed the comic. God, he was such a nerd. A loose strand of his hair was secured behind his ear as he waltzed over to the couch with the comic in hand.  
  
"So hey listen, I was thinking we could go to the park this afternoon, what do you say?"  
  
The park? She still had the decorations to put up but it sounded nice, they could do both. They rarely ever had time to go anymore and it would be a nice chang- _wait_.  
  
The air froze around her as she realized where she was, _when_ she was. How could this happen? In a minute there would be a knock on the door, vault-tec, and when they left Shaun would cry again and Codsworth would ask her to... And then the TV would say... _not again. I can't do this again._  
  
Somehow Nate had gotten up and stood next to her, cupping her face in his hands. Tears were falling from her eyes, coating his hands as he forced her to face him, forced her to look into his beautiful brown eyes.  
  
"Nate..."  
  
"It's okay, honey. It's all going to be okay."  
  
"No, you don't understand. Nate we need to run, we need to get Shaun and run. We have to hurry away." The tears were clouding her vision but he was still there, he was still holding her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.  
  
"It's gonna be okay. If you let go, it'll be okay."  
  
Why was he saying that? He didn't do this before. Why was it changing?  
Suddenly the ground shook and everything went silent. His lips still mouthed the words but she heard nothing until the bright light illuminated everything in a screeching white flash and a boom went off in the distance.  
  
"I love you."  
  
When the light faded away and her eyes regained their vision she was standing in the ruins of her home and Nate was gone. Dust whirled in the air around her and it was so cold compared to the nice heat of earlier. A deafening silence surrounded her, a crushing lonliness, and yet the pain wasn't smothering her like ash in her lungs. It wasn't the first time she dreamt this although it was the first time it ended like that. It was the first time Nate told her to let go.  
  
In the rubble of her home after watching the ghost of her husband speak to her she realized what he'd been saying. After all the nightmare-filled daydreams and all the breaths stolen by the memory of his death, after all the times she'd cried herself to sleep, whispering his name like a lullaby... It was time to let go. She wanted to let him go, to let him rest in peace instead of forcing him to live in her thoughts like a zombie. He'd been telling her goodbye.  
  
\--  
  
It was warm when she woke up and she noticed she was wrapped in a blanket. There'd been no blankets around before the sleep took over and she realized that one of the cushions were torn apart and draped around her. She shifted under the heat, comforted by it but now sweating, and she tried to sit up but ultimately decided to remain still. It was too nice.  
  
"Hey there, you alright?" he asked her, touching her forehead with his smooth cold hand. The cool touch made her shiver but she leaned into it.  
  
"I'm fine." she mumbled against the blanket and he snorted.  
  
"You said that before, somehow I don't believe it."  
  
Her left hand escaped the heat and reached for his, weaving his fingers with hers. _Rip the bandaid off,_ she thought. The dust around them shifted as he sat down on the floor next to her head, squeezing her hand with his. He wanted to know, she wanted to tell him and it was time to let go. _Rip it off_.  
  
"I'm from a vault." she whispered and for a second she was worried that he hadn't heard her. "Vault 111." He remained silent but stroke the back of her hand with his thumb. She continued to speak.  
  
"They froze us, right after the bombs hit. I remember the light as they exploded, they shook the ground and everyone got quiet. Sent us down the elevator just in time. Nate held Shaun and I thought I was lucky, we were safe together but then we... but then they told us to put on the suits and sit in the chamber."  
  
The all too familiar tears were seeping down her face but instead of the usual panic she felt eerily calm. This was how Nate would live on. Not in the dark corners of her mind, spewing anxiety at the mere mention but in the stories she'd share with people.  
  
"They said it was to depressurize us or some crap like that, said it was gonna help us. And then it all got so cold and I couldn't move. Until suddenly I could but something was wrong. There was a man and a woman outside the chambers and they stopped outside Nate and Shaun and they, they just uh..."  
  
Hancock searched for her eyes with his own black gaze and she could see the universe in them. It gave her strength in ways she never expected and she pressed on.  
  
"They took my baby and shot my husband and then those bastards put me back on ice. Left me on standby for 200 fucking years until I was released from it. And then I... Then I got out and I..."  
  
He pressed a cold hand to her cheek, softly comforting her and she wanted him to hold her.  
  
"I got out and everything was _broken._ I tried to find Shaun, to bring him home but I was too late."  
  
The air was quiet and still in the lobby and while she was still crying over the loss of her family, the anxiety didn't tear at her with its iron grip. She knew it would come back eventually, it always did. But maybe when she said her goodbyes, maybe when she finally allowed herself to escape the sinking ship, maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad.  
  
After a long silence he spoke.  
  
"I... I'm really sorry. I can't even imagine the pain."  
  
His eyes looked so sweet and for maybe the first time she wasn't afraid to peer into them. He'd opened up to her and she to him, there was nothing left to hide between them. Those beautiful black eyes. If there was suddenly a constellation in them she wouldn't be surprised.  
  
"What? I got something on my face?"  
  
They shared a small smile.  
  
"Why did you come after me?" she asked him. While she knew Hancock was a good man who would easily make sure his people were taken care off, she wasn't one of his people. And he wouldn't have chased them down like he had her.  
  
"I told ya, just wanted to-"  
  
"No, I mean, really?"  
  
The tears had begun to dry on her face and the heat began to annoy her. She sat up and rolled the blanket off of her, feeling refreshed in the cool air. He sighed and pulled himself up from the floor, brushing the dust off his coat.  
  
"A month ago you steamrolled your way into Goodneighbor. Went straight for the den with that detective of yours and I tell ya, there was fire in your eyes. Could've burned a man alive with a glance. Then I hear rumors of you killing that Kellog, the institute hitman and what not. Not just anybody can do that."  
  
A faint rose spread across her cheeks. Rumors were the food of the commonwealth but hearing there were rumors about her, good rumors, was still new to her.  
  
"Then last night I find you at the bar, getting drunk as drunk can get. Couldn't understand why a force like you'd need to drink yourself away like that. But now I guess... I guess the past catches up to anyone, no matter how tough they are."  
  
She appriciated his kindness and was tempted to hold his hand again but decided that it wasn't appropriate.  
  
"I see a lot of myself in you, y'know. Only I use chems for running away."  
  
"Maybe we can both stop running, keep eachother on track?"  
  
She wasn't sure why she suggested it or why his eyes gleamed after she said it but she enjoyed the idea of spending more time with him. It'd been such a long time since she'd had a friend by her side and somehow the anxiety didn't have room to breathe around him. He sat down next to her, in the warmth of where her head had been resting and rested his arm on her shoulders.  
  
"The handsome ghoul mayor and the tough human vaultdweller, tearing through the wasteland side by side? Sounds like my kinda freakshow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending feels really rushed but I don't know how else to write it. Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway!

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are adored, constructive criticism is appriciated.  
> my tumblr; tyvian-whaler.tumblr.com


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